Tactical Communication Steps When Dealing with Authority Figures

Tactical Communication Steps When Dealing with Authority Figures

Your child is being bullied and you want to confront a school authority to stop further incidents. Preparing for a difficult conversation can be intimidating. The natural chance of over-reacting to disagreeable people or fear of failing to get what we want can be overwhelming. Thoughts put to paper make a more solid foundation for successful action. Organize your thinking on paper and create conversational talking points that you will carry into the meeting as your guide for questions and expectations. An outline will also help govern your behavior during the meeting so you come off as organized and focused, not simply angry. Anger usually engenders the same in others and reasoning skills fall away. You have a right to be angry but unless showing it will further your goal it becomes self-defeating.

The dilemma is we usually see any type of conflict as adversarial based. Success favors the prepared mind - a maxim from the days of the Samurai clearly indicating the need for a plan. A plan will make you more comfortable during the encounter. A "Tactical Conversation" using "Tactical Empathy" will open the door to collaboration where both sides work toward a solution.

Steps for a Tactical Conversation:

1. Have your single written page of talking points with you and discuss them all.

2. Take notes. Writing it down provides clarity and accountability. Note taking is a visual medium and it demonstrates you are serious. Seeing organization on your part, the other will be cautious of promises - preventing false ones made in haste.

3. Listen more than you talk. The more the other person(s) talks the more information you can gather and maneuver from, and keep taking notes.

4. You will hear stalling tactics. They are typical because no administrator can fully promise to resolve such a problem, at least not immediately. So, never threaten - it just increases resistance. Offer empathy. It's never fun being on the hot seat.

5. Paraphrase any statement or promise that is misleading or confusing. Get clarity in simple language and then Summarize (use the Verbal Judo LEAPS module) to gather the main points for future action. In closing use the forward action promise to set a future time to meet to measure progress. Setting a timeline pushes the action forward.

Even if you leave the encounter skeptical or frustrated, close respectfully. This will be an ongoing relationship so pay respect to the authority's position even if you don't respect the person. It shows dignity and self-control and no collaborative plan will succeed if they are missing.

Lee Fjelstad

Associate of the Vistelar Training Group

Vice President, Verbal Judo Institute, Inc.

Dr. George J. Thompson, PhD., President and Founder of Verbal Judo

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