Teachers And Chickens
Teachers And Chickens
Teachers And Chickens
I don't start my new job until next Friday, and so, in an effort to relieve the boredom between meals, I thought I'd take a look at the latest news headlines. I didn't want to get involved with the usual doom, gloom, death and destruction, so I went straight to the Welsh news to see what the locals were up to.
It didn't take me long to come across a headline that read, 'Teacher Denies Bullying Children'. I realise it sounds ridiculous now, what with hindsight being such a wonderful thing, but I didn't have my glasses on at the time, and I thought it read 'Teacher Denies Bullying Chickens'.
Obviously, I was outraged, incensed even. Teachers are well known for being bullies, it's part of the teachers oath that says, 'I promise to target the weakest, most vulnerable child in the class and pick on him or her relentlessly until he or she goes home in tears every night.' But chickens? Oh come on.
We all love chickens, and we all need chickens, unless you're a vegetarian, in which case your opinion doesn't count, or even worse, you may be a vegetarian teacher, which is, undoubtedly, another positive reason for bringing back the death penalty.
Now, I'm not one for joining 'causes', it's generally a waste of time because the side with the most money usually wins. However, I was all too eager to leap to the defence of the poor unrepresented chicken, so let's just examine teachers and chickens in more detail.
Teachers, as we know, are not particularly bright, but they normally have an intensive knowledge of a given subject, whether it be geography, history, etc. Chickens on the other hand, know nothing about world politics, the economic crisis, or whether the Somali pirates really do wear eye patches and own parrots that repeatedly say, 'Give us a million dollars or the boat gets it'. Chickens tend to hang around on farms with their mates all day and generally don't care about such nonsense, so I think that puts them slightly in the lead.
So what about conversational ability? Well they both speak in a language that most us would struggle to make any sense of, so this is a tricky one. If I had a telephone conversation with a teacher, and then a chicken, it would probably be impossible to tell which was which. Although, I doubt the chicken would bother to answer the phone, so that puts them in the lead again for using their initiative.
Running costs? A teacher's pay starts at around twenty one thousand pounds a year, whilst a chicken is happy with a handful of grain and a shed. A clear winner there then.
So what about value for money? Hmmm, another tricky one. Chickens tend to be full time workers. Unlike teachers, they don't just work seven hours a day, and then complain that they have to struggle by on just 75 days paid holiday a year. (I don't know how they cope.) And chickens don't go on strike either. I've never seen a group of chickens forming a picket line outside a farmyard, holding up placards saying 'We want more grain.' or 'Stop eating our babies.' No, they just get on with their jobs.
And finally, the big question. Which does society need the most? Well, in all fairness, we do need teachers to educate our children. Mainly because we can't be bothered to do it ourselves, and there's usually something good on the telly. But, of course, we also need chickens, to provide us with boiled eggs to go with our toasted soldiers for breakfast, nuggets to go with our chips, and a plump tasty bird to pour gravy over on a Sunday.
So, as you can see, chickens are overall more useful and cost effective than teachers. So come on teachers, stop bullying them chickens, and go back to belittling our kids.
Disclaimer: Some of you may have been offended by the content of this article, but I can assure you that no chickens were harmed during the writing.
I tried interviewing both parties, but the teachers were on holiday and the chickens didn't answer the phone.
Vancouver Dentist Enhances Patient Education With Dental Videos Via Practice Website Flagstaff's Schools "Health Report Card" Feeding Parents the Wrong Message? Art Schools Designing The Technology Of Tomorrow High School Football Scouting - Recruiters Process Free College Scholarships - Get you education paid for free of charge Mayoor School Noida : Participation Of Parents In The Educational Development Of The Kid Easy Scholarships For Hispanic Students - Pay For College education easily Get a Grant and Go to School How to help a child enjoy the school Essential School Supplies for Back-to-School Online Veterinary Technician Schools By Joel Online Education: Where Success Is At Your Reach Teaching Jobs London