There are many difficult times in ones life. A hard realization in a relationship is when you begin to believe that your partner has been lying to you. Doubly devastating is when you are forced to accept the reason behind the lies is an affair with another person. Fortunate are those who are never faced with this betrayal in their lives for life is often complex enough and full of surprises without a nasty surprise of this nature. Learning that your spouse has been lying to you for years in order to keep an affair on the side can send you into a long, drawn-out tailspin of self-doubt and anger. If you are suspicious there are things that you can be watchful for. Behavioural changes with the cheat often occur when they are under stress of keeping the relationship quiet and keeping you off the track.
Uncharacteristic Anger
The inner turmoil of the cheater often manifests itself in a short fuse or volatile anger that normally was not characteristic for them. They feel a pressure that they are unable to release themselves of because they might feel guilty or possibly angry at themselves. Either way, the anger is usually projected outwards as a coping mechanism and may in some cases result in abusive behaviour toward the person that they feel they are sparing from the pain or because they fear the consequences of their actions from that person. The irony is this, they will never protect anyone from the pain; an affair is quite simply put a hurt in progress.
Hesitation Before Responding
A good indication of whether or not someone is being truthful is how they respond to a question. If you have a gifted liar, however, this may not be a reliable gauge. Someone new to the cheating game may pause or hesitate before responding to questions asked by you. This is an attempt to buy time while they come up with what they believe is a satisfactory answer to you that will initiate no further questions. It provides a liar an opportunity to cover their tracks well and avoid conflict.
Acting defensively
When one is dealing with guilt or a situation that they find the pressure building over something in which they have lost control; they are apt to respond in a way that is defensive. When the defenses go up over trivial things or easy situations that can be easily resolved; it is a big red flag that something is up with your partner. If defensive reactions to basic questions are becoming commonplace, you will need to get to the bottom of it Defensive anger is a common way to channel a guilty conscience.
Often experts will suggest that when you believe you are being lied to, you shouldn't confront your spouse with your suspicions right away. They recommend waiting until you have discovered more information and facts which is often beneficial when you are confronted with the suspicion that you have a serial liar on your hands. Some believe that the sooner the lies are exposed; the sooner the lies can be replaced by working past the deception and moving on with your relationship. Each situation has some differing circumstances. One must try to remain clear and objective to determine which approach will help you find the truth behind the lies.