What Is The El Nahual
A boy is running in the rain
A boy is running in the rain. He's not yet 8 years of age and he's running barefoot and on an empty stomach . . .
I see my dad's shoulders. The freckles upon his white skin . . . it's so smooth. My hands are not yet half the width of those strong, muscular shoulders. I'm grabbing his shoulders for balance as he puts on a pair of pants on me. I don't recall his face or his words, only his shoulders, the support, the security.
I saunter on the sand next to the ocean, having no idea of how long I've been walking. I've lost my family and don't know how to get back home. Looking back, the footprints upon the sand, washed away by the waves. Facing forward I notice the world is reshaping itself. The sky has become green and the water is dancing before me, swaying me gently. I float upwards towards the emptiness, just slightly off the ground, and I begin to fall forward. Fish and dolphins fly far above while octopuses and star fish and seahorses float and fall. I look back down at my feet, establish the sand and I'm still walking . . .
What is the signature at the end of my life?
Carmelo asks my son and me, "What would you rather be able to do, change your past or your future?" I begin to think. What of my past can be taken away that will leave me where I am today? What can I change that will leave me unscathed? Of all the horrible things I've done and all the attacks I have gone through, which of those makes me who I now am, who I am to become? Why would I alter anything now? And what about the future""what of it can be changed that will not influence me now? What in the future is not already set because of my past? What of the future could I thwart that would not harm my life purpose?
Life as I see is like a movie, the story in a book. Everything that happens, from start to finish, has already happened and continues to happen. From the start to the finish "" everything is already written, in a sense, and the purpose of the story is not to change anything. The story has already been read by thousands and will be read by many more. A curious characteristic of the shaman is that he is simply a reader that somehow comes to inhabit the character of the story. The story takes him early on and becomes now his life. Where as a baby and a toddler, still clean and clear of overpowering ideas and conditioning he still knew who he was and why he came here, later in life he forgets he is reading a story, watching a movie, el nahual, a shape shifter, a voyager not of this place. Yet the story is full of clues that trigger and remind consciousness, remembrance, awakening, and then the story becomes a tool for the purpose, for the reason why we're here.
A friend of an older brother takes me to the park and on our way back home stops at his apartment to place his erect penis on my hands and rub it on my buttocks. He takes a pair of scissors and places my penis between its blades. As soon as he opens the door of his third-floor apartment, I step onto the balcony to jump out. Climbing up on the railing, he stops me from doing it.
On a pool of water my younger brother and I bathe and play. I hear a voice, but it's not from a human; all the grow-ups are elsewhere. I walk towards the end of the pool and, waist deep, fall forward into the water. Before I even try to get up, something pulls me up and out of the water in the pool; I take a breath and am pushed back into the water. I try to get up and cannot, being held down by something at the back of my head. I am pulled back out, not four years old yet, and pushed back in""again and again. Gasping for air, I finally hear a human adult. The pressure behind my head leaves me cold and scared. I climb out of the pool and order Oscar out.There hide the clues.
by: Viento de Octubre
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