Which Part Of Yourself Are You Taking On A Date With You?

I was raised by a single mother who was looking to meet a man and get married

. I remember, every time before she invited a guy over to her house she would tell me to behave myself and be a good girl. Sometimes when she really liked a guy I was given more specific instructions on how to behave, but I was never encouraged to be myself. The message I got from being brought up like that was that men will only like me if I behave a certain way. I carried this message with me into adulthood and every time I went on a date with a guy, I would put on a persona that wasn't really me. Needless to say, most of those dates never led anywhere. I often felt exhausted afterwards - it takes a lot of energy to put on a persona and it doesn't feel right.

One day, I had this realization of what I was doing and how I was sabotaging my new relationships. I decided to make a new commitment to myself. I wanted to be me - no games, no masks, no hiding and no pretending. After all, if I wanted to build an honest healthy relationship with a man, I have to start of as being authentic from day one (or date one). It was nice to find out that I wasn't alone at this. Many singles I talked to, men or women have hard time being themselves on a date. We subconsciously make it a priority to be liked and/or accepted over being who we really are. And many people would rather put on a fake persona and be disliked for being fake than come out as their authentic selves risking the possibility of being disliked for who they really are. The truth is however, this behavior is not empowering to an individual.

It is much more attractive to admit it to the other person that you're feeling nervous or awkward than try to cover it up by asking a lot of questions or pretending to be confident. Your date will more likely to respect you or fall for you if you honestly tell him or her that you didn't enjoy the show than if you pretended to like it just to be nice. And guess what, if this person doesn't like you for who you are, wouldn't it be a good information to know whom not to hang out with in the future? It is, of course a lot more challenging to be yourself around someone whom you adore, respect or feel strongly attracted to. It takes work to be personally empowered, but it is worth it. Sometimes there is no better advice on how to do it, you just have to do it in spite of the fact that your instincts are telling you to do the opposite.

If there was one most important thing to learn or practice when it comes to dating, it would definitely be mastering being yourself. When you're authentic in your interactions with others, you're learning about yourself, the other person and you're truly giving them the gift of learning about you. That's the way to go.

Copyright (c) 2010 Katherine Bouglai

by: Katherine Bouglai

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