Why Men Cheat On Their Wives – New Research Sets Off Fiery Debate on Oprah Show

Why Men Cheat On Their Wives New Research Sets Off Fiery Debate on Oprah Show

It is a sad reality that many marriages are ruined due to infidelity. While both men and women are unfaithful, the number of husbands who indulge in extra marital affairs vastly out way the number of wives who do. For decades the conventional wisdom has claimed that from an evolutionary standpoint, men are simply biologically programmed to be more promiscuous. But an important recent study shows that promiscuity is not the real reason why men cheat on their wives.

When relationship expert and author Gary Neuman appeared on a recent Oprah Winfrey show discussing his book "The Truth About Cheating" he set of a very fiery debate. Neuman's comments that men cheated because they were looking outside their marriage for needs that were not being fulfilled within it immediately set many women on the offensive. Many upset viewers took Neuman's comments to insinuate that the fact that their husbands cheated was somehow their fault. Neuman was quick to respond that husbands always cheat out of choice and must accept responsibility for that. But he also cautioned that (and I am paraphrasing here) basically, happily married people do not cheat.

Perhaps the more interesting revelation was that according to his recent research, the needs that in many cases were not being met inside the marriage were actually emotional needs, not the physical needs that depict the stereotypical cheating husband.

88% of the cheating husbands interviewed admitted that the woman they were having an affair with was not even younger, prettier or skinnier than their wife. The top reasons given for having an affair were also more based on emotion. The top reasons were: feeling lonely in their marriage, not getting enough attention from their wife, being lonely and the intense attraction of feeling admired by another woman.

Of course, many busy wives and mothers in Oprah's audience took offense (rightly so!) to the notion that their husband did not get enough attention. Probably the vast majority of these women felt equally overwhelmed by their mountain of chores and responsibilities and underappreciated, but were not looking at having an affair as a reasonable, practical or even moral solution or distraction from the problem.

Mr. Neuman's appearance and comments on the Oprah show generated so much unhappy feedback that he returned to the show at the later date to respond to the many angry e-mails and phone messages that the producers had received. Again, he defended his position that he was in no way saying that wives where to blame when husbands have an affair, but that they do bear some responsibility as to the general health of their marriage.

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