Boost Your Self-esteem
How many of us are one hundred percent satisfied with every aspect of our lives
? Probably very few. But consider the possibility that maybe we could be if we made a little effort and that effort starts with working on raising our self esteem.
Awareness is the first step to improving the situation. When you are self-aware, you can understand why you feel what you feel and why you behave the way you behave. That understanding helps build self confidence, then gives you the opportunity and freedom to change those things you'd like to change about yourself and create the life you want. Without knowing who you are, self-acceptance and change are impossible. Once you have developed a core of self confidence in yourself you also become a much better candidate for a job, a consultancy, a partnership, a marriage... you come across as a self confident person and this is much more attractive than someone with poor self esteem.
Having clarity about who you are and what you want (and why you want it) empowers you to consciously and actively make those wants a reality.
On good days, everything feels right. You can dismiss the frown, the disapproving comment and the snub because you feel strong enough and confident enough in yourself. So what's happening on the bad days? Are you a different person on those days? No, of course not, but you are suffering from low self-esteem so your reaction to events is different.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is the value you put on yourself. It stems from a strong, rooted sense of self-worth that survives both failure and success; it survives mistakes, disappointment and, most of all, it survives acceptance and rejection from others.
Self-esteem is the foundation of self-motivation, assertive communication,positive thinking and personal empowerment. It is the pivotal ingredient in achieving success at any level. Let's look at acceptance and rejection - key concepts in self-esteem.
It is natural to want to be accepted, to want to belong and to fit in with those who are important to us. But if you measure how acceptable you are by how others see you and rate you, then it will be difficult to take the risk of trying something different. This might not be so acceptable to those 'outside'.
Does this apply to you?
Once you see how much you depend on others for a feeling of acceptance, you can also see the possibilities for building a sense of self-acceptance and raising your self esteem. This need not exclude others but can help to shift the balance between you and them so you have more room to manoeuvre. You can give yourself more permission to express yourself in ways that you choose and your self-esteem will improve as a consequence.
We all fear rejection. And, we all experience it! However much we may try to prevent it happening, rejections both slight and serious occur throughout our lives. For example:
Someone forgets your birthday or an important anniversary.
You are turned down for an interview.
Your parents continually compare you unfavourably with others.
You are not invited to attend an important meeting.
You offer to do a colleague a favour and you are turned down.
Would you interpret any of these situations as a rejection? If so, somewhere among the line you are 'taking it personally' and experiencing what is probably just a simple refusal as a devastating rejection and so lowering your self esteem!
10 characteristics of self esteem
A person with high self-esteem accepts and values themselves as they are and acknowledges their strengths and their weaknesses. To reverse any dents you have to your self-esteem, begin by reminding yourself of your positive qualities and your values. Tell yourself ten times a day or more how great you are and what a lot you have to offer. Use positive affirmations. The more self confidence you can build, the easier it is to brush off thoughtless comments and (un)intentional criticisms.
A person with high self esteem:
is open to listening to other people's criticism and can learn from it
respects other people's ideas and beliefs even if they are not the same as their own
is direct and honest with others
does not have to convince anyone that they are right
is open to acceptance and love from others
is not destroyed by rejection
can take the risk to change
does not sink into self reproach
can survive hurt and disappointment
has a high value of their own worth
Which of the above shouts out to you, "No, that's not me!"? That's probably the one you find most challenging and the one you need to do some work on in order to change.
Get working on building your self esteem and give yourself a boost which will help you move forward!
by: Kate Cobb, executive coach
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