Emotional Affairs: What to Expect and What You Can Do to Overcome Emotional Affairs

Emotional Affairs: What to Expect and What You Can Do to Overcome Emotional Affairs

An emotional affair is a confusing concept. It is bandied about freely and most of the time incorrectly. So let us first define the term. This is simply when a spouse has developed a relationship outside the marriage that transcends "normal" friendship or professional behavior. When a seemingly normal relationship crosses over to a more intimate one, it is called an emotional affair.

Why do they do it? Many times, spouses have this type of affair because they are self conscious about themselves. They do not feel "special" anymore with their wives or husbands, so they turn to that other person. They start to share very intimate information and even intimate moments that eventually erode the real marriage. After all, all this energy spent on this extra marital relationship could be spent working on and strengthening the marriage itself.

The victim of this type of affair will likely experience a range of feelings. One may be guilt that he/she snooped around to see what their significant other was doing. Reading emails or checking text messages makes them feel low. But if they did find signs of infidelity, then they had a good reason for snooping.

They may be sad that their spouse is sharing intimate time with someone else. They may feel angry that they were duped. Neglect and defensiveness are also very common experiences. No matter what the feeling, it is important to keep in mind that you did not do anything to deserve this. The cheating spouse made the conscious decision to have an emotional affair, not you.

What can you do to overcome an emotional affair and start rebuilding your relationship?

1- Examine your relationship objectively. Identify weaknesses and areas of improvement. Share them with your spouse and make a concerted effort to work on them. How can you make your spouse feel special? The bottom line is that you will both need to work on rebuilding your marriage. You have to face the hurdles head on in order to have success.

2- Master different modes of communication. There are 2 modes. Verbal and non-verbal. Learn how to talk to each other and express yourselves in constructive ways, without hurting each other. Learn the trigger words that start fights and avoid them. Non verbal communication is as important as the verbal kind. Learn of new ways to enjoy each other. Play a board game, hold hands while watching TV, flirt at dinner.

Emotional affairs are devastating on a marriage. But they can be overcome if you know how to. The 2 techniques mentioned in this article are a good start.

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