Erica and the Definition of Miscommunication
Erica and the Definition of Miscommunication
Last Friday marked exactly 35 Fridays since I said "I do" to my Shippmate (and muchas gracias to the Taco Bell workers for taking long enough while making my burrito last Friday that I had the time to count back andcheap invitations for weddingfigure out this exciting news while in the drive-thru).
As a person who is sentimental about the most embarrassing things, all day last Friday, I kept thinking back to what we were doing just 35 Fridays prior. Every time I glanced at the clock, I was reminded of the sweet events of our perfect day.
Reliving our day also made me very excited for my best friends (and DE friends too) that are engaged and looking forward to their own special days this summer. It's been really sweet to have several close friends engaged so soon after my own season of engagement. Everything they email or call about is still so fresh in my mind (regarding topics I absolutely love to discuss) that I can also enjoy a reminder of where I was last year at this time.
During several moments of reflection last Friday, I took some time to recognize some things I learned over these past 35 Fridays to share with those of you that are just months away from YOUR big day. But, the list was longer than my word count will allow so let me just focus on one of those lessons learned.
Eight months ago, I never would have understood the commonplace and/or annoyance of an outsider that complicates marriage in the form of he whom we shall call Miscommunication.
By definition, Miscommunication means the lack of clear or inadequate communication. This sounds simple enough, but what Merriam-Webster fails to elaborate on is the part of the definition I feel compelled to add for all of my sweet engaged friends: Miscommunication is when Husband and Wifey have TWO VERY DIFFERENT definitions of THE SAME WORD.
Hear ye, hear ye! It's Annoying Story Time.
So, every Wednesday night, Ryan leads worship for our college ministry. Appealing to college students' schedules, the service doesn't start until 9:30 PM, which means he normally doesn't get home until close to midnight. Sadly, I require at least 8 hours of sleep to be my best, so I don't always get to attend these services. This particular Wednesday night was one where I had chosen to stay home and get to bed early. I was working on some writing before heading to bed when the following text exchange occurred:
Me: The kittens are going crazy! I wish you were here to see them.
Ryan: Me too. But I'll be home soon!!
Ryan: I mean not as in really soon, but not too long.
This exchange happened at 10:15. So in my mind, I thought, "WHOA, he's coming home early!!"
And since we always try to go to bed together, I was really excited. I quickly wrapped up the writing I was working on and started getting ready for bed so I could be in bed, waiting for him. Because I have a million things I have to do to "get ready" for bed, Ryan often has to wait on me, so I was so excited to be waiting on him for once. By 10:45, I was in bed reading and waiting patiently.
When the clock struck 11, and I saw my 8 hours of sleep diminishing, my patience started to transition to something more like frustration. So I called him to check on things. No answer. Called a few more times and left a voicemail. I would guess about the time I decided to leave a voicemail, frustration had now transitioned to full-on annoyance.
For the next hour or so, I tried to read while wondering what in the world happened. And then at 12:15, Ryan walks in all excited to see me. I, on the other hand, don't quite greet him with the same sentiment.
In fact, now TWO hours later my patience is nowhere to be seen and frustration is riding shotgun to anger. Which means my delivery of the question, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" was perhaps not my finest moment. Ryan, who's obviously SUPER-confused, tries to figure out why I'm upset, while I fill him in on the definition of the word SOON. And then he explains HIS definition of the word soon.
And then we spend the next hour debating the word SOON.
Ryan's definition: "See you soon" is a more optimistic version of "see you later." A nice gesture or a state of mind, as opposed to a literal reference to a time frame.
My definition: He would be home around 11. SOONer than normal (midnight), at the very least.
When you're up later than you want to be and arguing over the definition of a word, there is not a whole lot of positive communication happening. This is when Miscommunication can be such a pain in your marriage. Because to be honest neither of us were right. And really neither of us were wrong.
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