Gaining the Confidence to Bash through Life's Barriers
Gaining the Confidence to Bash through Life's Barriers
There is no question that you need a lot of confidence to bash through life's barriers. Every time you run into a problem; every time you face a new challenge or are dealt one of life's setbacks, you need to have on tapped the kind of courage and confidence that only comes with the knowledge and assurance that you will meet the issue head on and overcome it. As a conference speaker, people ask me how to tap into this confidence when they need it.
More importantly, where did our confidence go?
So what happened? You certainly were not born fearful and lacking in confidence. Quite the contrary, the fact is, you popped out of the womb with an inventory of only two fears.
1. Fear of falling
2. Fear of loud noises.
That's it!
All the other fears that you have accumulated along the way, including fear of rejection, fear of humiliation, and even fear of success are the a result of a blind, haphazard roll of situational dice.
Human beings are designed by nature to be magnificent at learning and possessing of memories capable of recalling every human experience. Indeed, everything you have ever said, seen, heard, felt, smelled, or tasted from birth is stored and available to you. The downside to this magnificent gift of imagination and computational power is our brain's utter inability to differentiate real experiences from experiences just vividly imagined. Thus, stored in our subconscious minds along with reality based data is a haphazardly grab-bag collection of dis-empowering false-based fears and phobias.
For example, for you to be more afraid of public speaking than death is totally irrational! How about your fear of elevators or your fear of meeting strangers - irrational. And remember when you were about five years old, your older brother told you that if you stepped on a crack you would break your back. Whew... now that was a sobering discovery for a five year old! If you are like me you probably spent the next few years avoiding all cracks on sidewalks.
The fact is we acquire new fears all the time, even when many of those fears are totally weird! Today you could read that a meteor may hit us in the year 2024. Our immediate reaction to the news is to look up at the sky and start to fantasize the horrible aftermath of being in the direct path of the meteor. Maybe a little caution is called for, but not fear.
There is an acronym that explains this phenomenon. It is called "F.E.A.R" meaning False Evidence Appearing Real. When you finally discover that public speaking is simply a process and not a life or death event the false evidence disappears and with it goes the fear. (And hopefully your fear of stepping on a crack disappeared by the time you turned to ten.)
A state of confidence should be our natural state of being. Children are a good example of this: absolute confidence, fearless, full of discovery and curiosity, happy, always laughing. An infant wants to know everything and when the time comes to walking instead of crawling, a child will look around and see that everyone else is walking so they get up and fall down, they get up and fall down. An infant will fall hundreds of times, and always fight to get up. They will persevere at this effort and keep at it for as many times as it takes until...guess what? They are walking.
Now if we waited until we were sixteen until we decided to walk, the outcome today might be quite different. A teenager might give walking a try and then after the second or third humiliating failure he might say, "Crawling isn't so bad, I gave this walking thing a fair shot so I guess that I am just not destined to be a walker!"
Fortunately as fearless, confident infants we keep going and going until we have mastered the skill of walking. Otherwise the vast majority of us would be traveling around in wheel chairs.
Therefore the next time you feel the sensation of fear pulsing through your body, think of what that "conference speaker guy" said and challenge it! Understand that it often is just irrational.
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