Get Your Ex Back - A Few Useful Hints From a Therapist
Get Your Ex Back - A Few Useful Hints From a Therapist
Knowing about a person is like peeling an onion. There are layers and layers of the mind - each one representing one persona, that appear one after the other when you try to analyze. Similarly, when a relationship breaks, of course you get a shock. Suddenly you realize that you really do not know this person, who you thought you loved. Perhaps over this time you have only peeled the first couple of layers of his or her mind. This is why you are clueless as to why the break up happened in the first place. You are haunted by questions like "Am I dumb or blind or both" "Why didn't it occur to me before"? No matter what state of ignorance you are in, you have to do some constructive self-analysis if you want to get your ex back. The main purpose of such self-analysis is to get enlightened about the situation and to stop presuming the possible reasons why your ex left you. Here are some pointers to set your thinking and pull you out of darkness:
o Ignorance in matters of keeping a tab on the relationship usually goes under the garb of innocence or trust. You blindly 'trusted' your ex and therefore could not even get any hint of any dissatisfaction that your ex was experiencing while in the relationship. To get your ex back, go back in time. Try to remember the instances when you got a remote hint of things going wrong. Your solution could spring from such situations.
o To get your ex back you have to be brutally frank with yourself. What kind of person are you? The normal tendency is to think of all the good attributes you have - kind, generous, patient, etc. However, peeling the subsequent layers, you might be surprised at what you find! You are a bad listener, incapable of being empathetic, have different likes and dislikes, highly opinionated, lazy, do not take good care of your health and hygiene and may be have taken your ex too much for granted. To get your ex back, you have to make a conscious effort to correct all that you find wrong with you, rather than trying to correct everything in your ex.
o In any relationship however loving it might be, space and individual freedom is extremely important, though not many people believe in this. According to them, love means uniting with the other person in body and spirit. They stick to each other for survival and happiness. If this is what both of you were, it is no wonder that your ex has left you high and dry. Communication with your ex might resolve such issues if you are serious to get your ex back.
o It is true, especially with people with strong egos to dominate a relationship. It works well when the other partner is submissive by nature and does not have very strong opinions. When you are thinking of ways to get your ex back, think about this aspect carefully and in an unbiased manner. Chances are that your ex could have finally rebelled against the mental 'oppression' (you cannot hold down another human for too long) resulting from your autocratic ways of managing the relationship. On the other side, your ex could have left you because you were no match in terms of wit, humor, intelligence and style. In other words, you were overtly submissive to his autocratic ways that got boring after some time.
To get your ex back, there are plenty of psychological and behavioral issues which need to be addressed - which frankly, has nothing to do with the 'undying love' that you have for each other. In fact, to get your ex back gets easier if you have love and respect for each other, despite and in spite of having so many areas of mental incompatibilities. Be that as it may, if you are serious to get your ex back, you might have to make a lot of adjustments and compromises and become accommodating to the whims and fancies of your ex as well as learn to alter some parts of your personality to make the future more secure.