How To Get Over The Guilt Of Having An Affair
Having a guilty conscience is a hard thing to have to live with
. In fact, it can be soul destroying and cause many more emotional hardships and bitterness than the actual reason for the problem in the first place.Guilt becomes like a festering wound that never heals. It is an ulceration of the soul which infects everyday life. Like any festering wound, it needs to be healed as quickly as possible.
Getting over the guilt is the second thing that has to be fixed.
The first thing that has to be addressed and fixed is why it happened in the first place. Any problem has a root cause (no pun intended) and this is what needs to be identified before a fix can be found.
Think of it like a plumbing problem. You walk into your kitchen one morning and find the floor covered in water. Theres no point in mopping up the water until you have fixed the leak. Fix the problem then fix the mess.
Most affairs happen because of lack of communication, ego, opportunity combined with lack of discipline, undenied chemistry attraction or simply because the straying partner doesnt have a strong enough commitment to their partner. Each one of these identified causes has a fix if both people in the relationship are prepared to do the hard yards to fix the problem. No one says it is going to be easy and it will require great emotional turmoil and total honesty on the path of both people in the relationship.
The first step for both people is being totally honest; both with themselves and with each other. This is not the time to be diplomatic.
There are already hurt feelings so it is no good papering over the reason for the problem. If this is the way the affair is handled, sooner or later, the paper will tear and the problems fester has gone deep often leaving emotional scaring that never heals. The first thing both partners have to do is simply to question themselves if they want to continue with the marriage or relationship.
Sounds simple, but the answer to this question determines the next course of action. Supposing the answer is yes, then the next step is good honest open communication needs to become part of the fix. If the erring party can talk about why it happened and when; can sometimes be a surprise to both people. Sometimes things just happen, often out of lack of care, ego kicking in, thoughtlessness and any number of other reasons. The reasons are often symptomatic of a basic problem in a relationship and these can be fixed once they have been identified. Fixing the initial problem in a relationship will often be the cure for the guilt that both people in the relationship feel.
Guilt gets shared because it always takes two to argue so it will need two people to fix the problem even if it means downsizing to being single again. There's nothing wrong with being a single person or parent. It all depends on how you handle the relationship breakup and deal with it in a mature way.
After all, if you once thought so much of each other that you were prepared to spend the rest of your lives together, surely for the sake of any children involved from the relatioonship you can find a way to work so that the innocent parties are hurt as little as possible.
by: Jan Smith