Is My Marriage Really Over? Compassionate Advice if You're Not Ready for Divorce

"Is my marriage really over?" That statement is almost always said with some sadness

. Seeing your primary relationship coming apart at the seams is heart wrenching. All the years you and your spouse invested in one another can be nullified with just one rash decision. If your partner has suggested the idea of divorcing, or if they've even gone so far as to file to end your marriage, don't give up just yet. Many couples come back from the brink of marital disaster to go on to have very strong, committed and fulfilling relationships.

The only way your marriage can truly be over is if you accept that it is. If you believe that there is any glimmer of hope for you and your spouse to reconcile, you shouldn't walk away from the relationship. It's obviously more challenging if your spouse has little interest in working on repairing things, but it's not impossible.

One of the first things you must do if you want to stop your divorce is convey that message to your spouse in a very calm way. You have to show your partner that you're emotionally mature and able to handle something as traumatic as this. Have a list of reasons at the ready for why you aren't going to move forward with the divorce at this time. It's always a good idea to suggest a trial separation in place of a divorce for now. That allows you both the time you need to consider what you want and need in terms of the future.

Communication is obviously paramount to solving your relationship problems but it's not as easy as sitting down and talking through things. You have likely tried that in the past and maybe it resulted in a lot of conflict. This is typical with couples who have drifted apart. They decide to have an open and honest discussion about their relationship and they end up fighting for days. You can't move forward if this is the case so you need to establish an understanding about how communication will be handled.

Many couples who are facing divorce find it beneficial to journal what they're feeling in the form of a letter to their partner. This is an effective way to share your thoughts with one another. Once you both have your letters prepared you can then sit down with one another and read your letter to your spouse and then have them do the same. Promise to listen to each other while you do this. Although it's just a starting point it will get you back on the road to talking about the issues that are at the heart of your marriage again.

Is My Marriage Really Over? Compassionate Advice if You're Not Ready for Divorce

By: Gillian Reynolds

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