Marriage and Self-Acceptance
Marriage and Self-Acceptance
Marriage and Self-Acceptance
One of our main problems is that we don't accept ourselves. Many prefer to find excuses to act stupidly and to blame others. That might work at school and at work, but in a marriage, it can lead to a disaster.
I have a big news for most of you: You are not perfect!
Oh, I know, in theory, we all know that. Nevertheless, if you think about it, most of us are acting as if we were perfect. We kind of know it "with our head", but we don't feel it "deep inside". Let me take a couple of examples for you:
- Have you ever felt ashamed if you fell in front of others? Physically or psychologically? Have you ever made a fool of yourself by saying or doing something terribly daft?
- Have you ever felt that others were smarter than you, that you were a total fiasco in some domain and because of that, you were less worth than most of your colleagues?
- Have you ever felt angry at yourself for making some stupid mistake in your job or in an area of life where you generally excel?
Well, all these examples prove that you still think you are perfect. Like a computer program which can repeat an action indefinitely without mistakes. If you felt and knew you weren't perfect, you wouldn't be ashamed of making mistakes. You would understand that the worth of a human being is not depending on the number of mistakes you do. You wouldn't feel angry or ashamed of making a mistake in an area which is important for you.
You wouldn't feel those things for the good reason that you would know you were human and as such, prone to make mistakes.
Because many of us have problems with accepting our fallibility, we tend to give the responsibility of our mistake to others or to blame other things: I haven't slept enough, I am sick, I lost concentration because of you, it is your fault because you didn't do your job right, etc., etc. In these cases, our imagination is without limits.
At job or in school, it might be possible to do that. If you are responsible, you can easily blame your subordinates and move on. Alternatively, if you are on the floor, you might be able to blame another colleague.
This technique is not very useful at home, though.
Because we do tend to use the same technique at home: We don't accept that we are not perfect, so there has to be another reason for what happened. It must be our partner's fault (or our child's or the dog's or the cat's or the canary's).
You can't solve the problem this way. Because throwing the blame at each other doesn't really solve the situation at hand. Even though one or another takes the blame, how do you go forth from there?
So stop a second and look at yourself instead of pointing at the other's mistake. Remember: You are not perfect. You have flaws or you have qualities that might go on collision course with your partner's. What happened? What could YOU have done to avoid the situation.
Don't concentrate on what the other have done wrong. Just what you did wrong and what could have been done differently. It is no shame to say a stupid thing from time to time. It's human. It is no shame to do stupid things from time to time, it's human too. And as long as you don't know what is broken, you can't fix it.
So concentrate on yourself. Accept you are a fallible human being who made a mistake and who very might make some more. And when you have accepted yourself with your mistake, you can begin to work on it. Self acceptance is the first step to problem solving and to a happy life.
Onkyo tx-sr606 7.1 receiver turns off by itself Golfing With A Self-Assured Golf Swing Mentality Quality Forex Trading Advice For Beginners Self Improvement and Positive Mindset How to Get Women - Know Thyself (Part 1) Reasons to Consider Self Defense Classes with Colorado Springs Martial Arts Self Defense For Seniors Should Start With A Visit To Your Stun Gun Dealer How to Do-It-Yourself when Hanging Atlanta Plantation Shutters Self Hypnosis: One of the rather ideal approaches to realize rest and relaxation How To Make Money On-Line For Beginners Utilize Visual Images to Help Yourself End Smoking by Means of Self-hypnosis Keyword Research For Beginners Ways To Increase The Self Esteem - Easy And Useful Ways