Old Rock n' Rollers in New Hollywood -- celeb news and gossip

Old Rock n' Rollers in New Hollywood -- celeb news and gossip

Dennis Does Hollywood:

Elderly Rockers

Okay. This week Steven Tyler of Aerosmith fell of the stage at a concert and suffered a dislocated shoulder and various other injuries and had to be airlifted to a hospital. The group's concert tour has been indefinitely postponed to give Tyler time to recover.

And that's as good a way as any to begin this edition of Dennis Does Hollywood. The topic this week elderly rockers.

Now, back to Steven Tyler. News reports stated the reason he fell was that he was dancing to entertain the crowd during a power outage which happened in the middle of the concert. I beg to disagree. The reason he fell is because he's a 61 year old man wearing high heel boots and skin tight bell bottoms!

The point I'm making is how ridiculous these aging rockers look crawling back up the on the stage one more time, trying to prove they've still got what they had at the age of 25. Note to Steven Tyler you don't. And no matter how much plastic surgery you have, you'll still be 61. At 25, you were hot in bell bottoms and platform boots. At 61, you just look like Helen Gurley Brown wearing Janis Joplin's old clothes.

Now, Steven, if you're watching I want you to know that I'm not singling you out. There are other perpetrators out there with you. Let's take the case of Keith Richards, who currently is a spry young 66. Now, Keith has had his share of physical mishaps as well. A few years back he made headlines when he broke a few ribs by falling out of his chair in his den. Now, a note to Keith Richards: If you are so fragile that you brake ribs falling a two foot distance from your easy chair to the carpet, you probably should avoid arena stages.

And this isn't Keith's only fall. A few years back he suffered head injuries when he fell out of a tree. What the hell was he doing in a tree in his 60's? And I'm betting Keith said to himself "I wonder why I fell?" Well, I'm guessing that your ribs hadn't yet healed and you coughed and the pain was so bad you let go of the branch to grab your sides and you fell. Of course, that's only a guess...

But, let's examine Keith's attempt to still appear that he's a cool, with-it, sexy rocker. He uses his hair, or at least what appears to be hair. Those who've kept up with Keith's coiffure know that for the past decade or so he's been sporting a scarf tied around his head and dangling down one side to his shoulder. And underneath the scarf is what appears to be a jet black Snow White Halloween wig that has been ratted out with a teasing comb, so that it sticks up and out over the scarf in various directions and lengths. And tied to the ends of this "hair" are metallic charms. Now, I'm guessing this is an attempt to hide the fact that he's bald or at least balding. But the end result is a look that is so ridiculously comical that if you replaced his guitar with a lute, he'd look exactly like Henry the 8th's Court Jester. Now, come on, people, admit it. If you saw this guy in front of a local bus stop you'd give him change.

So, Keith and Steven, and all the other elderly rockers out there trying desperately to hang on to the glory of the past it doesn't work. You just look foolish. May I suggest that you take a page out of Rod Stewart's playbook? Yes, Rod is 64 years old. And he has reinvented himself as a singer of standards. And he appears on stage in white dinner jackets and black tux pants. Occasionally he'll even wear a leopard skin dinner jacket. But he never tries to disguise the fact that he's a 64 year old man on stage. And he pulls it off this look with such style and confidence that he comes off as sexy and cool -- everything these other aging rockers stuck in the past are dying to achieve but can't.

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