Protect Yourself From Abuse, Assault And Rape
Have you ever been abused, raped, or experienced fear for your life
? If it happened to you, what would you do? Would you be quiet and hide, or would you fight back? Some statistics say that 60% of women keep rape a secret and as many as 95 percent of college students never report it.
The last National Crime Victimization Survey confirms that every two minutes a woman is raped or assaulted in the United States. This epidemic is on the rise. I want you to know you are not alone and I want you to learn to protect yourself so those numbers go way down.
I recently interviewed an amazing woman who found the courage to stand up to her attacker after years of continuous rape and abuse. Kelly Rudolph has also made it her personal mission to help others learn to protect themselves.
As a young woman, Rudolph was anything but a social butterfly. In fact, she did not have a single date in high school or in college. When she was 22, she finally went out on her first date; on the third date the man raped her. "Eighty percent of rape victims get raped again," she says, and her story was no different. Rudolph was raped again, and again, in a situation that continued for more than two years.
Rudolph told me that she had low self-esteem, and that if her self-esteem had been higher, she would not have been abused. She described hers as a victim mentality, which includes insecurity, feeling out of control, and poor self worth. Feeling they deserve to be abused, women turn upon themselves, saying, "If you didn't want it, why did you do that?"
She wanted desperately to escape her abuser, but it took two years to figure out a plan and about six months to figure out how to implement it. While planning her escape, she knew he was raping someone else regularly as she positioned herself to get out.
She's not proud of it but says that self-preservation takes over. "No, you don't want this person on the street doing it to other people," Rudolph says, "But they know where you live and you don't want to get on their bad side."
I know from my training as a clinical psychologist that rapists are sociopaths who often have additional diagnoses such as personality disorders or substance abuse. They are skilled at telling you what you expect to hear, so you believe it. In polite society, we don't challenge things, and these abusers prey on that.
Rudolph says women need to rely on their gut feelings, which are your oldest instincts and can save your life. I know recent research shows we actually have brain cells in our intestines. "Politeness came along later," Rudolph says. "Don't be concerned with what other people think."
She turned her abusive situation around when she admitted she was vulnerable and enrolled in self-defense classes. The first class taught her to recognize red flags, but the techniques were too complicated and she couldn't remember them. Instead, she developed her own single movement techniques women could transfer to muscle memory.
I find Rudolph's book easy to follow and her tips for self-protection make sense. The attacker has low self-esteem too, she says, so he looks for someone weaker. "He'll pick the woman with the weak body language: head down, eyes down, hands in pockets or talking on a cell phone, distracted."
"To reduce the likelihood of attack, be aware and walk with purpose," Rudolph says. Confident body language includes head up, shoulders back, swinging arms and looking around. Most attackers approach by asking a question, which helps them size up their target. "If you feel unsafe when someone approaches you, that's your gut feeling. Trust it. Drop what you're carrying to free your hands, and be ready to run and yell."
Most women feel scared, gasp, hold their breath, don't resist, and get hurt. "You have to practice breathing," she says. "I tell people to yell, 'Stop,' 'Back off,' or '911,' because you have to breathe to yell and that makes you stronger."
If someone attacks, Rudolph says to hit the nose. "When the nose breaks, the attacker closes his eyes and you have the advantage. Poke the eyes, stomp on a foot, or pinch and twist anywhere it would hurt. Well-padded areas are not good targets."
"If you are in fear for your life, reach up for the throat and squeeze the windpipe," Rudolph advises. "It's easy to crush the windpipe, which causes a fatal injury." As an adult, I pack a gun and believe women have the right to arm themselves, of course obeying local laws. But Rudolph cautions that most women really don't want to kill anyone, target practice is different than actually shooting a human being, and guns can be turned against the owner.
How can we help our children avoid becoming victims? "Teach them to trust their gut feelings," Rudolph says. "For example, you might think Uncle Bob is great when you see him at Thanksgiving." But if your child thinks he's creepy, she may be picking up a vibe that Uncle Bob is a pedophile. Pay attention to your children and ask how they feel. Most important: Listen to and believe them if they report unease or abuse."
A fellow baby boomer tells me that in college, two out of three roommates disclosed they had been abused before puberty, "It took a dark secret and brought it out in the open for discussion," she recalls. "It was so healing to compare what our parents did, how they reacted and how that affected us in the long term."
Current assault statistics are an unfolding tragedy. Please heed this advice to protect yourself from harm. Get help to improve your self-esteem, strengthen your body language, enroll in self-defense training, and help young people around you learn to trust their instincts. Women must take the initiative to protect ourselves from abuse, rape and assault.
by: Nancy D. O'Reilly
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