Single Parents - Exploding The Myths

I became a single parent 7 years ago

I became a single parent 7 years ago. My children were 4 and 5 and for many years I'd been hanging onto the tatters of an unhappy marriage out of fear of what lay beyond, the image presented by the press of dysfunctional, unhappy families showed a life most would do anything to avoid.

There are almost 2 million lone parents in the UK, a number that is rising steadily. Unfortunately so is the prejudice. Being tarred as benefit scroungers, or feckless teens who've deliberately got pregnant to get a council flat is unfortunately fairly common, as is the belief that the children are inevitably dysfunctional. Funnily enough the statistics show completely the reverse:

* Fewer than 2% of single parents are teenagers, the median age is in fact 38.

* Half of lone parents actually had their children within their marriage, not a wild one night stand with a stranger or a casual encounter simply to gain more benefits.

*Almost 60% of single parents work, a figure that is increasing more than most other sectors.

Not the kind of statistics that make tabloid headlines unfortunately, nor support any of the prejudices shared by many.

Finding our life calmer and indeed happier once we'd bitten the bullet and divorced, we realised how few of the stereotypes are based on fact. The children didn't turn dysfunctional overnight, indeed they're happy, balanced and performing well. There's no secret to this, just the same basic rules of any parenting, whether in a traditional, married family or any other format - love, encouragement and lots of attention. As a single mother I didn't become a burden on the welfare state, I continued working full time as I always had - childminders and nurseries are available to all families.

The hardest obstacle to overcome in our new family circumstances was the loneliness. Friends suddenly feel uncomfortable when youre no longer a couple and the invites dry up. For some youre viewed with suspicion as a single mum or dad youre bound to be after a replacement (really?) or youll spend the time wringing your hands in grief (no, not that either). For me it wasnt necessarily the loss of a husband that rocked my world, that was something Id mentally prepared myself for for years, it was the way my whole social circle fell to pieces around me, and at a time I needed it most. On top of that, for a single parent holidays can be a living nightmare and a chore rather than a break. Sitting alone whilst the children play and others are in their family units, well lets just say its not most peoples idea of fun. Fortunately Ive rebuilt my social network with other single parent families who understand the challenges. And none of whom conform to the mythical stereotype.

by: Chrissie Lewandowski

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