You want to serve others? Give to yourself first!
As a giver, I know that this is so true! I am usually putting other people first
, and giving all I have to them... but then, I am feeling empty, and I am feeling that I cannot give anymore! And then of course, I am feeling overwhelmed, and when something small comes in my life, that I never do enough, whatever I do is not enough, and I start to doubt my own value, and start to develop destructive self-beliefs.
In fact, when we are giving to others, it is because we feel that this is our best way to connect with people, and at a deeper level, we are seeking to be accepted and there is a fear of rejection. This makes us give more and more, and do more and more things fr other people, and (even if this is a difficult one to swallow) we are expecting something in return, Love, acceptance or significance. Usually, this is not asked, and when this return is not coming to us, a lot of resentment, misunderstanding and repression ids building us into us. This also does not allow us to give freely, as there is always an implicit trade-back. And when we do not receive back, then we feel rejected, un-loved, unworthy!
Another big contributing factor, also fuelled but what I wrote above is the fact that we may also already feeling unworthy, and that we are not deserving, other people are more deserving than us. And this is why, we want to give, as giving is also a way of receiving. This could be rooted very deep in us, and that there is a lack of self-esteem and self-love. In the long run, this means that we cannot attract lots of good in our lives, and that we are keeping on giving, for the reason that we want to feel accepted, and we go back to the need for connection and Love, and then to the feeling of rejection, as we do receive back what we implicitly expect.
Lisa Nichols (from the "The Secret") says that you should always give from the saucer and not from the cup! We have to fill our cup (in all ways: Financial, Health, Well Being, Mental, Spiritual) and then whatever overflows we can give, and believe once the cup is full, we attract more, make it overflow fast and in abundance!
What does this mean? In my opinion, and this has been for a long time something difficult to grasp, it means that we need to take care of ourselves first, to take time for us, to give ourselves gifts, to treat ourselves better that we treat loved ones.
The question you may ask yourself at this time is: So should I selfish? May be a little at the start, but knowing that we are full, that we do not rely on others to feel good and that we do not need to receive the Love, because we are full of it, because we have all we need, this allow us to give more. The more we have the more we can recive, and this applies to everything, including Money. Yes, the more we have the more we can contribute to the world, and more specially to the loved ones. But also it means that we do not ask them to fill us up, as we are full already, and we can give, just because it pleases us to please all around us, and it pleases us to give, and it pleases us to see them receiving this, and as there is not expectations and no need for return! So taking care of you first, to fill you up and then to be able to give more and unconditionally is not selfish, but truly an act of Love for you and for all the people around you!
So take care of you! Take action to fill your cup! Take small steps to nurture yourself, and also take massive steps, so you have more to give to people around you and to the world!
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You want to serve others? Give to yourself first!
By: Bertrand Dory
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