After The Divorce - Five Signs You're Ready To Date Again

If youve been divorced, you know that it can be tough to get out into the world and start the dating game all over again

. You also would probably like to start having a social life again and would value some company of the opposite sex. So how do you know when its okay to start dating?

Can you deal with dating? Are you far enough away, emotionally, from your divorce, that you can date without crying, being angry for no reason, or spontaneously losing your temper (combusting)? Are you still in that state when you hate everybody of the opposite sex? That is not propitious for the beginning of a new relationship. If you feel youre going to break down crying during the appetizer, maybe you should wait. If you really feel like youre over things a bit and are ready for a night out, go for it.

How are your kids doing? If they live with you, are all of you emotionally ready for mommy or daddy to go on a date? Kids are often never really ready. But is their life, and your life, settled enough so that they can understand why you would want to go out at all and particularly to go out with a date? Dont let your kids dictate your social life but be sensitive to their needs as well as your own.

Are you entirely happy on your own? Do you have no wish for any sort of dating scenario? Then forget what your mother has to say about finding someone else, or the fact that your best friend has a cousin whos just dying to meet you. Your life needs to evolve at your own pace. Now, if its been an inordinate amount of time since your divorce years, say you might want to get some counseling. But counseling is never a bad idea after a divorce anyway.

You feel that you are truly and really divorced from your ex-spouse. If you know that you are still in love with your ex, or are filled with obsessive thoughts about your ex, its going to be difficult to begin a new relationship. This may just be a matter of time to adjust. Again, if its too much time, think about counseling or bring it up in the counseling youre already getting.

Are you confident in yourself? Are you dating because you would really enjoy the companionship of someone else or because you need to validate yourself as a companion and partner? Can you go out on a date and feel like an attractive, desirable person yet? If the answer is no, wait a while. If you feel that youre ready, find a date.

Dating after divorce is difficult. Most people who have been divorced would agree. So take a good long look at the readiness suggestions above and see how you rate. It will give you a chance to think about yourself and the possibility of a new relationship either soon or in the future.

by: Lou Bradbard

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