What To Do If Your Mother Has Borderline Personality?
If your mother has borderline personality it denotes that you may be familiar with
what is it like to live with a person who is affectively unpredictable, who gets raging for no explicit reasons, who inclines to reason in black and white only.
Many researches and real-life experience validated that this personality disorder can be tracked back one way or another to childhood abuses, traumas, or ill-treatments.
During our initial years of life we depend on our significant adults to answer to our affective and psychological demands for attention, care, and respect which are the foundation of a healthy and strong psyche.
If these demands are not met, we will manifest a propensity toward developing an unhealthy and negative ego. The cognitive schemas will manifest through self-deprecative and self-downing perspectives as well as through an consuming dependency on other's admiration and respect.
As an important side note, not all traumatized and brutalized children will develop BPD at maturity since the predisposing aspects of this mental ailment needs a deprecating home environment to get activated.
But there is one very important detail in the whole equation of acquiring or not borderline personality. And this is comprised by our cognitions and core assumptions as we usually call it, or our "mental software".
And this fortunately signifies that there are particular methods YOU CAN utilize in order to meliorate your relationship with your borderline personality mother.
Firstly, the best thing you can do is to inform yourself about the ins and outs of this psychological affliction. Your advantage is twofold. On the one hand, having a superior comprehension will relieve an important magnitude of your strain and emotional dolour. On the other hand, becoming the one who "gets" the dynamic of things will put you in the place of not only helping yourself but similarly to assist your cherished mother grasp and recognize what is going on with her.
Secondly, changing the way you communicate will undoubtedly help to avoid her fears, and thus scaling down the incidence of the borderline manifestations.
The change you want to bring about consists in the modes you broach your thoughts, for example from "we need to do xyz" to a wording that speaks to her desires, like "Would you like to..." or "Wouldn't be better for you if...".
When shifting your communication manner in this way you actually switch the "mental cords" your messages talk to, from defenses to her desires and interests. Just try it out} and amelioration shouldn't bide too much.
Similarly you want to consider one more essencial thing when interacting with your borderline personality mother.
It is about her sudden mood shifts and rage episodes which put a important toll on your mental and emotional peace.
Next occasion when she will get angry, try to remind yourself that in such instances borderline sufferers experience intense sentiments of abandonment, disregard, or devaluation. So instead of avoiding or investigating her comportment, the way to go here is to calmly and gently remind her that you aren't being accusative or criticizing her, but only looking to talk to her.
This is a natural and subtle tactic that functions like a charm. Since she doesn't have what to remain furious at, will cool off in an instant and both of you can continue the discussion reasonably and coolheadedly.
Apropos, I have a free ebook for you where you'll discover easy ready-to-use strategies for interacting with your close ones who suffer from borderline personality:
Surviving The Hellhole!
by: Michael Weisz
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